Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
