Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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