he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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