summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
