(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
