she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
