I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have fence marks all over my body
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
