There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
