They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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