So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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