i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
