here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
