With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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