i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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