He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
