I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
