Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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