Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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