we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
