I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
