do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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