someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
