by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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