no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
