Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
