Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
