her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
