two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
