I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
