i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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