there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Success! We fucked roommates!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
