woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
