That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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