Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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