Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
