She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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