babies were throwing up all over the place
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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