The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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