so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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