I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry about my life...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
