i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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