my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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