Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize