I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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