I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
