Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
