Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
