Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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