Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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