I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
