I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
don't judge my taste in strippers
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
