Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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