So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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