He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sarcasm needs its own font
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
