She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
