I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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