This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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