Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
