doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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