I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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