But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
