And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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