anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
