honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
