it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
